Well, I don't know what happened. One minute I was sitting in front of the computer minding my own business, when a grey mist arose and when I came round an hour later, this story - clearly a blatant plagiarism of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's majestic work 'A Scandal in Bohemia' - was on the screen before me (what! invent my own plot?). There also seemed to be a strong and unsavoury smell of Turkish tobacco in the room, which is odd, since I don't smoke. I believe they call it channelling....Anyway, here's the story.

Disclaimer: I fully acknowledge that Paramount has exclusive rights to the Star Trek universe, and that all characters are the uncontested property of Paramount television.

To Elim Garak, she was always *that* woman. Throughout all the time that I knew my friend the tailor, I never saw him fall prey to anything greater than a punctilious courtesy towards the women of the station. What I mean to say, I suppose, is that I never saw him in love. The reason, I am sure, was that he was in a position of such extreme isolation: exiled from Cardassia, despised by the largely Bajoran population and as a man with secrets to protect it was hardly surprising that he strove to retain a low profile. He liked women, I believe; he seemed to appreciate them and would perhaps have enjoyed a more intimate relationship - I've no reason to believe him to have been a natural celibate. As you know, he never discussed his past with me, save when the consequences of that former life occasionally caught up with him and deception was no longer possible. Even then, his explanations were recounted to me with an air of mild annoyance, as if some private compact between himself and the truth had been violated. There was, however, one incident in which Garak revealed more than was usual of his past.

At the time, I had not seen my friend for several days. I was then trying to revive a relationship with one of Quark's dabo girls; something of a fruitless exercise, looking back. After a particularly painful discussion, I felt the need for a more objective viewpoint on my shortcomings. I called Dax, but she was still on duty and besides, I always suspected that she was laughing at me a little behind her ready sympathy. She had seen too much, and lived too long, to take me entirely seriously. In those days, I found it a little hurtful; now, with the advantages of age, I understand how foolish I must have appeared at times. I'm sure Garak found me equally amusing, but he disguised it to better effect. I wandered down to the Promenade and the tailor's shop.

I found my friend leaning over his console. It was a moment before he noticed me, and as he stared at the screen his face was rapt and intent. He had a very reptilian quality of stillness: I used to imagine him on some surveillance mission, sitting behind a view screen or a window, unblinking and unmoving, as a lizard does before the snap of the tongue. Now, however, he raised his head and smiled. He seemed genuinely pleased to see me.

'Why, Doctor! How nice. You've been quite the stranger these last few days.'

'Well, you know how it is. I've been busy in the infirmary, and Leeta wanted to talk some things over, and well, I just haven't...' I heard my voice trailing away. I'm sure I imagined the reproach I saw in his eyes and I don't know why I felt compelled to make excuses. He had no claim on me, and I had no reason to believe that he thought he had. He raised an admonishing hand.

'No need to apologise, Doctor. Clearly you have hardly had the time to visit the infirmary today, so I surmised that you had business elsewhere.'

'How do you know that?' I asked, puzzled.

'You have a characteristic habit of leaning against your desk when you're reading the console, thus producing a thin crease upon the wrists of your uniform. Today it is absent. Moreover,' he added disparagingly 'the distinctive smell of Malvin's 'Regret Rien', which only Leeta has the courage to wear, preceded you into the room.'

'Oh.'

Garak gave me an appraising glance and then seemed to reach a decision.

'Come and look at this.' The message on the screen was terse, but when I read it I felt a stir of excitement.

'Garak: At 08.00 tonight, someone will call upon you to consult you on a matter of the utmost importance.'

It was unsigned, and I did not recognise the code of origin.

'A terrible cliché, isn't it?' Garak murmured. He seemed vaguely affronted. He was staring at me intently, almost as though he suspected me of being the author of the note, but of course that was quite ridiculous.

'Do you have any idea who might have sent it?' I asked. Garak tapped an irritable finger against the veneer of the console.

'There are any number of possibilities. I have, as you know, had dealings with a great many important individuals in the past.' He gave me a sharp, blue glance. 'You understand me, doctor?'

I nodded gravely, flattered by the confidence.

'Of course.'

'Admirals wanting their dress uniforms taken in; diplomats who've snapped a strap...'

'You're laughing at me again,' I said, perhaps a little petulantly. He reached out and gave my elbow an affectionate squeeze.

'Of course I am.' Then he added, more seriously 'I don't know where this comes from, but I don't like it. I think - I'd rather that Odo didn't hear about this just yet. It may be nothing, but I'd like you to be there, tonight. Unless you have other plans, naturally,' he concluded, courteously. The prospect of intrigue and adventure was more appealing than that of a further post mortem of my relationship with Leeta and besides, I thought I detected a faint trace of unease in my friend's face. It would not be the first time that an attempt had been made upon his life, although any professional assassin would think twice about advertising their presence so publicly. Perhaps this one had good reason to be confident...

'I'll meet you in your quarters,' I told him.

'You'll have to stay out of sight, of course.'

'What did you have in mind?' I asked him. I had visions of myself lurking under the bed.

'Since Ensign Manning has been dispatched to the Gamma Quadrant, her quarters will be empty tonight. I've wired through a visual link; you'll be able to keep an eye on what's happening in here.'

'You're asking me to break into Manning's quarters? That's a bit - and anyway, what do you mean, you've 'wired through a visual link'? When?'

I received an outraged stare in reply.

'Do you think I have nothing better to do than bore holes in my neighbour's walls? I'm sure that the Ensign is a delightful sight once out of her uniform, but I certainly wouldn't know about it. Now go next door and pay close attention.'

Shortly afterwards, I heard the hiss of the door as Garak admitted someone to his quarters. Hastily, I activated the link. The visitor stood in shadow, and his face was curiously concealed: it looked almost like some form of cloak. I could not place the accent, but his demeanour and the presence of the cloak suggested that he was Romulan, and wealthy.

'I must apologise for calling upon you in this way. I should introduce myself - my name is Arren. My father is Ematis Peraya. You used to come to our house, sometimes, many years ago.'

I saw Garak smile, a little thinly, and nod.

'I remember your father very well.'

'You have quite a reputation in certain circles. I understand that you did my father a favour -'

'I'm afraid it was entirely inadvertent.'

' - and after your departure he progressed quite rapidly up the command hierarchy. He always spoke of you with respect and, well, I didn't know who else to go to...'

Garak said

'Perhaps if you could explain what the problem is?'

'Her name is Nerei Delar.'

There was a long, flat silence.

'I see. Well, that is quite a problem, I agree.'

'You know her.' It was not a question.

'My dear Arren, I not only know her, I trained her.'

'Then I was right! She is a member of the Order!'

'Yes and no. I don't believe that she is any more. She was already operating in a less formal capacity when I came across her. I'm sure you're aware that Cardassian society tends to be socially rigid - we place an enormous emphasis on the family and on marriage, and sexual fidelity tends to be prescribed so that lines of heritage can be secured. But, one needs one's - diversions, and these are generally found either in the company of one's own sex or by procuring the services of an aspara.'

'A -?' the half concealed face looked utterly baffled.

'A courtesan, a geisha. It's a highly respected profession. Clearly, such a person has access to all sorts of persons and information. Nerei Delar was one of several who came to my attention. She showed an admirably entrepreneurial spirit in the procurement and dissemination of data, and so I decided that she was better off beneath my eye than glimpsed from the corner of it. So I recruited her.'

'I've been so naive. I thought that - I believed she -'

Garak sighed and answered

'My dear young man, you're hardly the first to be taken in by an alluring woman. What precisely is her hold over you?'

The Romulan paused.

'It's a holosuite program. You see, when she left to return to Cardassia, I couldn't bear the thought of being without her. On our last evening together, she gave me a program clip and told me that she had made a recording of us, together.

'Now you'll never have to be without me,' she said. I thought it was so romantic! Mr Garak, you have to understand that the program was both lengthy and comprehensive.'

'And that she did not give you the only copy.'

'It seems there are four. I have one, Nerei has another, and the remaining two will be on their way to my father and my fiancee respectively within the next 24 hours if I fail to supply her with certain information.' He stepped forward and placed a pleading hand on my friend's arm. 'You see, I can't go to our own authorities. My father's a prominent man. He's already attracted the attention of the Tal Shiar and I can't afford to give them a further hold over him. Also, I've told her other things - and then there's the program itself. My fiancee comes from a very refined family...'

Garak said, gently

'Were your activities in that program so very bad?'

'They were illegal.'

Concealed behind my panelling, I felt uncomfortably guilty of the voyeurism of which I had implicitly accused Garak. The principal civilisations tend to be fairly tolerant with regard to sexual mores; transgressions are viewed from a social, rather than a moral, perspective. If the young Romulan had been engaging in activities that were outright illegal, then small wonder he did not wish his inclinations to be made public.

Garak said

'The difficulty is, I prefer not to leave this station.'

'But that's the whole point! She's coming here! She arrives tomorrow, on the Risan shuttle.'

'Look,' Garak said. 'I'm not saying I won't help you. But even if she has the program with her, there's no guarantee that she hasn't left other copies elsewhere. In fact, I'm sure she has. It's a pretty basic precaution.'

'If we can just let her know that we're onto her! We have to try! I'll pay you whatever you want -'

Garak waved a dismissive hand.

'We'll discuss that later. I must admit, it is a challenge. Very well, leave your problem with me and I'll see what I can do.' Silencing the young man's protestations of gratitude, he showed Arren the door, and I left Manning's quarters with relief.

'What are we going to do?' I asked eagerly.

'I don't know, yet. I need to think about this. May I call you tomorrow?'

'Of course,' I told him, pleased that he was continuing to include me.

'Goodnight.'

I found an excuse to be present, unobtrusively, when the Serendipity docked. I confess that I was anxious to see this scandalous Cardassian female who had so beguiled the young Romulan, not least because she had been a part of my friend's own opaque past. I could not help wondering if they had been more to one another than colleagues, but this seemed a rather prurient line of speculation and I concentrated on the stream of passengers emerging from the shuttle bay. I was to be disappointed. There was no Cardassian among them, only two tall Bajoran girls and a gaunt old lady whose origins suggested Oran. Perhaps Nerei Delar had not been on the shuttle after all.

'Of course she's in disguise,' Garak said patiently. 'She's over there, as a matter of fact. I spotted her immediately.'

I looked in the direction of his nod. The passengers were filing out along the Promenade, but one remained. Surreptitiously, I studied the elegant figure propping up the bar.

'But that's a man!' I said.

'Quite so.' Garak's mouth twitched in amusement. The stranger had a pale, smooth face and a fall of dark hair above a silk shantung suit. I peered at the scanner. He was incontrovertibly male.

'Of course, I know it's possible to change the biogenetic structure of a person, but all the same, changing your gender seems a little extreme.'

'Why?'

'Well, it's a defining part of one's identity, isn't it?'

'I've always seen it more as - well, anyway, we can discuss philosophy another day. I'm going to go; I don't want to take a chance on being recognised. Meet me in the shop, in ten minutes.'

'What's the plan?' I hissed.

'Don't whisper like that; it carries,' he said, and was gone.

'But what am I going to say?' I asked ten minutes later, helplessly staring around the confines of the shop as if to seek inspiration.

'Well, I don't know. You're a good conversationalist, you'll think of something. All you have to do is go up and start chatting.'

'Won't he - she - think it odd?'

Impatiently, Garak said

'What could be more natural? You seen an attractive stranger in a bar, you go up and offer to buy them a drink. How hard can it be?'

'How long will you need?'

'I don't know. It depends what she's done with the recording. I'll have to rifle through her quarters until I find it.'

'Suppose she's got it on her - his - person?'

'You'll just have to conduct a full body search, won't you? Just in case.'

'What!'

'I'm joking. If I can't find it in her quarters, we'll think of something else. I'll call you when I've finished. Until then, keep her talking.'

He clapped a hand to my shoulder.

'I know I can count on you,' he said, seriously.

'You can,' I said.

I stuck to Nerei, or Janan Maris, as she called her masculine persona, all evening. It was surprisingly easy, and also surprisingly pleasant. The agent's performance was impeccable. There was no hint that she was anything other than the studious, cultured Soronese librarian she claimed to be. I was surprised, when I glanced at the time, to find that it was so late. The other patrons had almost gone from the bar, and still Garak had not called me.

'Well, Julian,' my new friend said, smiling. 'I really ought to be getting along to bed. Maybe - perhaps you'd care to join me, for a night-cap?'

'Um,' I said. I cast a quick look along the Promenade; Cardassians were conspicuous by their absence. 'How kind.'

We were halfway around the habitat ring when the explosion occurred. There was a muffled bang, and a cascade of sparks as the wiring blew out along the corridor wall. My companion and I were nearly trampled in the rush as security pounded past us. Someone was wailing.

'My things! My things!'

I turned the corner at a run into a billowing wall of smoke. From the depths of this acrid cloud appeared Constable Odo, like some hero of opera, bearing a distraught woman in his arms. It was the elderly Orani lady.

'Here!' Odo said, without more ado, and thrust her at me. She sagged against me, weeping.

'It's all right,' I said, soothingly. 'Everything's all right.'

She trembled against me.

'Were you in your quarters?' I asked.

'I was just about to go to bed when - when -' she quavered.

'I'll take you along to the infirmary,' I said. We made a slow progress around the ring to the medical bay. When we got there, Odo put a broadcast call through to the station to announce that the explosion had resulted from an overloaded circuit from the neighbouring quarters; there was no sign of sabotage. I made a call of my own.

'Whose quarters are those? Next to the Orani's?' I asked Dax.

'They belong to a Janan Maris,' she said.

My next call was to Garak. There was no reply from his quarters. Making sure that the Orani woman was comfortable, I went hastily back to the habitat ring. Garak was nowhere to be found. Baffled, I returned to the infirmary. The Orani had gone. I began to feel rather disquieted. I had that familiar sense of exclusion again, as if everyone knew what was happening except me. I sat and thought for a little while, and when the departure of the Serendipity was announced, I went hastily down to the shuttle gate, but it was too late. The shuttle had flown.

I found Garak in his shop the next morning. He was not alone.

'- and the colour's divine!' she was saying. 'I'll take this and the one with the peplum.'

Divested of the Orani trappings, Nerei Delar was a slight, graceful woman. Her hair was braided into an intricate series of medusan coils; I understand it's a tradition of the aspara.

'The shuttle leaves in half an hour; I must go and pack. Wonderful to have seen you again, Elim.' She kissed the air next to his cheek. 'Oh - I nearly forgot. The program clip. It's not the original one; just an image of me in a garden. So Arren has - happier memories.'

'Young Peraya will be pleased.'

'He's a silly boy, getting worked up over nothing. It was always a last resort, just in case he decided to take steps against me. I've kept a copy of the other program; a woman's got to protect herself, after all. But of course he had to turn everything into a drama.' She sighed. 'You'll forgive him, won't you, Elim? He's very young, and everything seems so important at that age. One reason why I always preferred older men. Well, good-bye.' She bestowed a ravishing smile impartially upon us both, gathered her packages and vanished through the door. I stared after her.

When I turned back to Garak, I saw that he was in the process of transferring a small and fragile orchid to a vase with a pair of tweezers.

'Beautiful, isn't it? A memento of Romulus.'

I bent towards the little blossom and abruptly he pulled me back.

'Careful, Doctor. I don't want to have to go to the trouble of reviving you.'

I sat down heavily in the nearest chair. It had all become too complicated.

'Janan Maris,' I began.

'What a charming man. We had a very pleasant little chat yesterday, before you joined me. Apparently he has a collection of Seneth's works dating back to the -'

'Garak!'

'Yes?'

'You told me he was that woman! Nerei Delar!'

'Oh, surely not. No, Nerei's always careful to vary her persona, but she does tend to favour age above gender. I recognised her immediately, as I told you.' He blinked. 'Quark's really quite reliable if you give him the right tip. When he took her bags to her quarters, they passed my shop and he let slip to her that I would spend my usual Friday night in a holosuite session. She lost no time, clever girl. She spent a doubtless fascinating couple of hours going through my quarters, while Arren and I ransacked hers. Regrettably, we didn't find anything, so we had to resort to the less elegant part of our plan. When she came back, we detonated the circuit charge and she went straight to the place where she'd hidden the recording. Predictable, you see. We were watching her through the monitors. Then you turned up. I was going to slip back later, and retrieve the clip, but she guessed what had happened. She came to see me after you'd left her in the infirmary, and she was really quite gracious and reasonable. We had a chat, and she tells me that she's planning to leave the freelance intelligence profession eventually and return to her old job. Too stressful these days, she said, and there aren't the same calibre of personnel any more. Not like the old days. She was kind enough to say that she missed me.'

'But - she went through your quarters?'

'She wouldn't have found anything substantial; I made sure of that. Not that there's anything of consequence on my computer, these days,' he added, hastily.

'Why did you tell me to stick to Maris?'

'Well, you don't get out enough. I thought you might like some stimulating company -'

'You know perfectly well what I mean.'

'What I did know perfectly well is that you wouldn't have approved of the sabotage part of the plan. It could have involved you in a number of awkward questions if Nerei's identity had been discovered and it was found that you had been associating with her. You knew too much and I wanted you to have an alibi, just in case. And anyway, I didn't want you doing something gung-ho and sabotaging a delicate operation.'

I must have looked crestfallen, for he came to sit beside me. I sensed that he was watching me, and looked up. There was an odd expression on his face; I've often wondered what was going through his mind. He leaned towards me very slightly and then he looked away. I said

'Where you going to say something?'

'Oh, nothing. Just that if there hadn't been the danger of putting you in a compromising position, I would have liked you to have been by my side. But, as I've said, one should never let sentiment get in the way of one's work.' He glanced at his watch. 'Nearly time for lunch.'

And that was how a scandal threatened to affect a great Romulan House, and was averted. Afterwards, Elim Garak used sometimes to talk of Nerei Delar and when he did so, it was always under the honourable title of that woman.

THE END

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